All Liquored Up

     So get this, I'm out in the garage changing the oil in my Mazda and I notice a vehicle driving slowly in front of my house so I look up and there's 2 teenage boys in it.  They pull slowly into the cul de sac across from my house and pull up at curbside and the passenger gets out and kind of slinks into my neighbors' backyard, all slow and sneaky and suspicious like.  
     So I watch him until he goes out of sight behind the house.  I note that my neighbors' cars are not in their driveway and presume there's no one home.  A few seconds later the passenger comes running from behind the house with something in his hand and a broad smile on his face, all excited like.  He jumps into the vehicle and shows the object to the driver, who likewise smiles broadly and pumps his fist.  He then drives toward the end of the cul de sac to turn around.       
     At his point I'm thinking the kid just stole something from, if not the yard, inside the house.  I was not about to let this go unaddressed so I walked up to the street and threw up my hand in a "HALT" motion when the vehicle reached me.  The driver stopped and I walked up to the vehicle, jotted the plate number onto an envelope I happened to have on my person, and approached the passenger window.  
     "What did you just take from that house," I asked.  
     "Oh, it was just a bottle," the kid said.  "But it was empty."  
     "Let me see it." 
     So the kid reaches into the back seat and presents to me what appears to be a half-full bottle of vodka.  

     Just as I start to say, "That's not empty," the driver floors it and peels out--with the rear tire narrowly missing one of my good running feet--and screams down the road at a high rate of speed.  I called my neighbor and ended up calling the police to make a report and provide the plate number and description of the boys.
     So anyway, later I tell my wife what happened and she gets mad at ME for confronting the kids, stating they might have shot me or hurt me.  I said, "Lookit--if one of them pulled a gun and shot me there's probably not much I could have done about that.  If one of them got out and came after me he would have ended up lying on his back looking up at the beautiful blue sky.  If they both got out and came after me they would have woken up looking up at a cloud of black smoke wondering how their car caught fire."  

I don't know if that comforted her at all but it sure made me feel better just saying it.